100 Lessons from Tony Robbins' Date With Destiny (DWD)
100 Lessons from Tony Robbins' Date With Destiny (DWD)
Last week I started with Tony Robbins' leadership program, kicking off with the six-day event called 'Date With Destiny', which is featured in the Netflix documentary "I Am Not Your Guru."
I'm excited to share with you my top 100 lessons from this life-changing experience. My personal game-changers were lessons 52, 76, and 87. I'm curious to know which lessons resonate with you the most? Drop your favorites in the comments.
Here they are:
1. What if life is happening for you, not to you?
2. What if your biggest problem is your greatest gift? Life's greatest challenges often present the most valuable opportunities for personal growth.
3. The purpose of life is growth, so you can give more.
4. Life is about constant change. The only certainty is change itself.
5. Perfection is an illusion. Focus on progress, not perfection.
6. Progress equals happiness. The key is to make progress every day.
7. You don’t build on failure. You build on success. Start by acknowledging what's right, be grateful for what is, and then work on improvements.
8. Complexity is the enemy of execution. Start taking action.
9. What’s wrong is always available, but so is what's right.
10. It’s not about what you get, it’s who you become.
11. Where your focus is, is your experience.
12. Focus creates feeling. Feeling is life.
13. The quality of your life is where you live emotional.
14. The quality of your life is the quality of your questions. Poor questions give poor answers.
15. To find new answers, ask new questions.
16. Where focus goes, energy flows.
17. State is everything, especially during tough times. A positive state makes difficult times easier to handle.
18. Change your state through your focus, language (internal/external), and physiology.
19. Want a massive change? Change your physiology.
20. Motion creates emotion. Keep moving your body.
21. Suffering comes from focusing on ourselves.
22. Constant focus on what's missing leads to depression. Concentrate on what you can control.
23. Problems need energy to exist. To solve a problem, go a level deeper.
24. The fastest way to end suffering is to see reality as it is, not worse.
25. It’s not about me, it’s about we. Focus on something bigger than yourself.
26. Are you a victim or a leader? Take 100% responsibility to lead and feel better.
27. Emotion plus information equals memory. Where were you on 9/11? And on 8/11?
28. Leadership is bringing certainty to an uncertain world.
29. Leaders are always certain, no matter what.
30. Leaders go first.
31. Leaders create their own culture. You decide how your business grows.
32. Winter is the best time to start a business.
33. Stress comes from expectations. The more expectations lead to less happiness.
34. Trade expectations with appreciation.
35. State is the most important outcome for leaders.
36. Three levels of state:
1) Put yourself in an outstanding state and physiology;
2) Be a role model for others in state and physiology;
3) Support others in achieving an outstanding state and physiology.
37. The more energy you give, the more you get.
38. If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.
39. Frustration means you are about to have a breakthrough.
40. Everything I need is already within me.
41. People connect with those similar to themselves. Find commonalities to build trust and rapport.
42. Repetition is the mother of all skills.
43. We all have two fears. Not getting what we want and lose what we have.
44. Our deepest fears are 'I am not enough' and 'I won’t be loved'.
45. We all live in seasons. For example, look back 100 years. Good times in the economy create weak people. Weak people create bad times, like war. Bad times create strong people. Strong people create good times.
46. What is your primary question? We all have one primary question that we ask ourselves most often, the one that guides the direction and desire of our lives. Identify this question, change it if necessary, and follow it to shape your destiny.
47. We create stories from our memories.
48. Change your story. Change your life.
49. It's the meaning we give to our stories that matter. We don't relive experiences; we interpret them.
50. Memories are myths. We create our own stories about the past, present, and future, often with facts that are not accurate. The events don’t control us. It is the meaning that we give to the events that controls us.
51. A story has 7 phases:
1. Desire: The driving force that determines the story's direction.
2. The problem and need that the character is not fulfilling.
3. The opponent may be external, intimate, or internal. The bigger the opponent, the bigger the hero.
4. The character develops a plan to deal with the opponent.
5. The battle, a step into the unknown, uncover who you really are.
6. Self-revelation occurs as the character experiences the fulfillment of their desires or needs, leading to a deeper understanding of courage, faith, determination, honesty, etc.
7. Equilibrium: Life will never be the same again, developing new beliefs and values.
52. Stepping into the unknown is always rewarding, often in the long term.
53. Clarity is power. Be precise in what you want.
54. An extraordinary life is living on your terms. What do you truly want?
55. The truth will set you free.
56. Goal-setting exercise: Spend 15 minutes setting as many goals as you can for the next 10 years without financial limits. Dream big, write everything down, then choose 4 goals for this year and plan concrete actions to achieve them.
57. If you blame someone, also blame them for the good and what you've learned. Your accusation list is often half complete.
58. Do you stay stuck in blaming? What did it cost you and what will it cost you?
59. What if those you blame are just opponents in your story? What if they are volunteers in your story, there to teach you something?
60. People who hurt you are acting based on their beliefs and values.
61. Focus on ownership rather than blame. Are you a victim or a leader? Stop playing the victim.
62. What if life is happening for you, not to you?
63. Life isn't always fair. Pain is part of life.
64. Because of a moment of pain, it’s possible to forget all the positive experiences.
65. Exercise: Visualize the person you blame, close your eyes, and repeatedly say, "I am sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you." This is for your liberation. Check also YouTube “ho'oponopono” for guided meditations.
66. The only way to change people is by changing how we behave towards them.
67. By simply loving, you are already somebody, unlike a billionaire who is frustrated all the time.
68. The reason why you don’t have self-love is that you keep focusing on yourself. Start giving. The secret to loving yourself more is to stop trying to love yourself more and find something you love more than yourself, becoming devoted to it.
69. Real love is to put something above yourself. You see your life matters beyond yourself. Focus on WE. If you do this consistently, magic will happen.
70. We have four levels of love:
1. Baby love
2. Horse trading love (transactional love)
3. True love, you love no matter what
4. Love for those who hurt you.
71. Withholding your love. Who do you hurt? Yourself.
72. The only difference between a friendship and an intimate relationship is intimacy.
73. There are 6 positions of a relationship:
1. In a relationship & out of your mind – insanely passionate and engaged with your partner’s spirit.
2. In a relationship & there is love but not enough passion – you have a great friendship.
3. In a relationship & if you were totally honest, in your soul, you know it is not the right relationship – it’s a relationship of convenience.
4. In a relationship & planning your escape.
5. Not in a relationship but want to be in one.
6. Not in a relationship & don’t want to be in one… ever!
74. Your relationship should be your priority. If your partner doesn't feel they are the most important to you, there's already a problem.
75. Love requires putting someone else above yourself; that’s what real love is. It's not about love as an exchange. By doing this, you will feel love more than ever before, as you become free from the selfishness of the mind. The mind often focuses on 'ME, ME, ME,' whereas the spirit and soul are about 'US,' about 'WE.' You deserve this kind of love just as much as your partner does.
76. 90% of the success of a relationship is in the selection. It’s not about your partner; it's about selecting which part of yourself you connect with your partner. In the beginning of the relationship, you chose the part of yourself that was attractive and in being kind and playful. That part still exists, but many no longer bring that to the table. You decide which part to select. Who feels more alive when you choose the part from when you first dated? Yes, your partner and yourself. The quality of your relationship is the state you bring every day. Never take a relationship for granted.
77. Be the best version of yourself. At home.
78. Take 100% responsibility for the state you are in within your relationship.
79. If you experience any form of pain, it's because you are focusing on yourself. Juice is in love level 3 and 4. Focus on we, not me.
80. Forget your job or business. Your intimate relationship is by far the most important. Fulfill the needs of your partner: certainty, uncertainty, significance, connection/love, growth, contribution.
81. The more rules there are, the more difficult a relationship becomes. We often have fewer rules for friends than for our romantic relationship.
82. Change your relationship by changing your expectations into appreciations.
83. Have a vision for your relationship, just like you would for a business. Give so much that your partner becomes a raving fan.
1. Know what you really want and become the kind of person others want to give to.
2. Know what they really want and need, desires, values, beliefs, rules, and fears.
3. Give them what they really need. Get addicted to finding new ways to give pleasure.
84. The masculine wants to solve problems directly, while the feminine wants to talk about them. The masculine must listen and be present (not on your phone!).
85. Focus on love makes growth. Growth makes you feel alive. Let your partner discover their own path to growth. We all have our unique journeys.
86. The feminine grows with praise, while the masculine grows with challenges.
87. What shuts down intimacy?
For the feminine:
1. Feeling unseen – Solution: give more attention, all the time.
2. Feeling not understood – Solution: give real presence, all the time.
3. Feeling unsafe/can't trust – Solution: give reassurance, all the time.
For the masculine:
1. Being criticized – Solution: admire, compliment, and appreciate.
2. Feeling closed off – Solution: be open and playful.
3. Feeling controlled – Solution: give freedom and love.
88. Come to the level “I love this person no matter what”.
89. Destiny is what you give and who you become.
90. Spiritual development: How comfortable are you in your own skin?
91. If we don’t have enough challenges, we become bored. Problems and challenges are signs of life.
92. Anger and fear destroy relationships and businesses.
93. Gratitude: If you are grateful, you cannot be angry or fearful. A great exercise is priming. Do it for 14 minutes every day. Check out Tony Robbins' priming on YouTube.
94. You either grow or you die. This is true in nature and business as well. If you don’t grow in business, competition will take over. The first step to improving a business is to start measuring and analyzing key performance indicators more often. Add more value than anyone else. Always over-deliver. It's not about what I get, but what I have to give.
95. Fall in love with your clients, not your product. Focus on their needs to make a difference in loyalty.
96. Proximity is power.
97. Seek business coaching from brilliant people.
98. Everyone needs a compelling future. Your destiny is who you become. What do you really want? Activate and awaken your hunger. Why do you want it? Reasons come first, answers come second.
99. People often overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.
100. Surrendering to love is the ultimate victory. It can be scary and exciting. You can turn fear into excitement with one simple change in your expression: a smile. ;-)
Also read:
Why Tony Robbins visited me in Amsterdam
